Blogger thought

Have you ever been feeling like you're alone and no one understands you. Or rather you knowt here are people who do but it's just timing thats off for they might be having a bad day or just don't want to help others at the time. Maybe you're afriad because of rejection or that you know they're going to say something you don't want to nessicarly hear at the time. Possibly you're looking for just some sympathy or empathy at the time and just have some one listen to you. But you know how you just get to the point where now you do things on your own, walking home alone, staying in the house alone.. and just being alone. I honestly feel that way, I feel really lonely at times.. well unless some one is talking to me on the computer but even still with some people I feel alone with. Just like your emotions are running high and in a matter of time you've gone through some rough crap however it may not be as rough as others have gone through but for you it's been pretty damn tough and especailly now when you're learning new things you didn't know from back in your childhood.. it's like you want to let it all out just all this anger and hurt and just get every little frustration out but you can't because you're alone.. and you feel badly if you blow out all over some one and especailly more so if they get all mad at you.. so you're bottled up with all this emotional junk and you're getting to the point more frequently that you want to become violent and let it all out by well basically killing things.. or rather destroying or beating something up.. however you don't want to harm anyone so you resort to yourself... however you know it's not right to do and especailly if you know people won't understand what you did and just get on your case that it's wrong.. well duh you probally already know that it's just you got to a point that finally you couldn't take it anymore and just did it... but what if you made a promise so now you're using all your energy to deal with the problem then the old extended problems and now the fact you can't go off the looney bin long enough to releave that stress that hurt and all but people would just judge you and get mad at you.. then seriouse things would happen except the fact you didn't destroy or killed something.

I hate feeling like I'm never right and that I'm some loser who doesn't know what she's talking about.. or insane (not that I don't mind being insane just not in the bad way) or rather I'm stupid and i'm some baby who can't take things.... well maybe it's the fact on how the person who's talking to me is treating me and maybe depending on how much they mean to me is how much they can easily hurt me because I open my heart fully to them. But it seems to never matter or ... or.. well I'm just tired of it.. I am intellegant it's just not in the things the world labels that "you are intellegant" and I wish I just was reconized for it... and maybe people just trust me to be right in what I have to say.. or understand I am going through stuff and do try to do the best I can not to be hurt upset or miserable I don't want to be like that.. but maybe see that i'm weighed down with too much pressure that I snap and honestly if you're senstive and brought up differently and have been picked on since you first went into school well you'd be easy to upset too considering all you ever want to do was be nice to everyone and be polite.... it's not my fault that adults had admired it and it's not other kids fault per say that well they aren't particulary taught that it's not like they are horrible kids it was just I was taught something different and was trying to be kept innocent and well "pure" not perfect... I'm not perfect, no one is perfect... and it's not fair that ones who are different or whatever get bullied so bad... emotionally at least...

Sorry things from my past that i remember and hate... I seem to vent alot but at least I can ramble and since it looks so far that no one reads this (except for some friends who have the link which might not still have it anymore) i can just blah blah anf blah on some more so I can get my feelings out in the open and if some one reads it and understands it it's awsome cause like yay I guess... but yeah at least it's here and if soem one reads it thats okay